Since I was a kid, I always long for a brother’s love. I wanted to know him. I wanted to be with him.
In my 14 years of existence, I never dreamed for everything except to see my brother. Until one day, my aunt told me about her communication with my half-brother. I reached out to him and eventually got a chance to have a little chat. I was really happy about the idea of getting to know him even just through facebook. Until then, I never lose hope that someday, somehow, we will be able to see each other. He wanted to see me too. He wanted to see our father.
He haven’t seen our father since he is with us from the very beginning of his marriage to my mother. Since I was a kid, my father always tell the same old story about my brother. He always tells us that he is a smart guy with a pure heart in which my mother always agrees. Whenever my father tells this, I always feel a mixed emotion. I am happy because I know my father is really proud of him and because my mother, in spite of the fact that he is not a legit son, she loves him just the same as her children. On the other hand, I can’t help it but to be sad because I know how much painful it is for my father not to have his son for a very long time. I know how much he longs for my brother’s hug and I know how much he wanted to help him whenever he has a problem. But, he just can’t. Because, he is miles away from him. I promise myself to find him so that my father and him could have a great bonding together and my father would have another story to tell.
After quite dramatic way of life, I left my family for my education. Just like my brother, I am miles away from them. Now, I feel how he feels not to have our father in our side. It feels horrible! I always missed them every now and then. I always cry at night and I am wandering how are they doing since our communication is unstable.
After two years of unstable communication with my family as well as to my brother, I received a message from him saying that he wanted to go home and see our father. It feels great! like it was the greatest day of my life. I excitedly called my father and told him about the news. I felt my father excited and happy over the phone. He kept on asking when. And, I felt some emotion that I can’t explain but it feels good! It’s like a dream come true for me and for my father. I could hardly explain how happy I am to see their photograph on facebook and see how wide they smile in front of the camera. It’s a picture of a happy family. However, without me. I felt that fate is playing fools with me. Yes! I wanted him and my father to have a grand reunion but I wanted to be there as well. Can’t I see my brother? Can’t I even have a little time with him? That’s so unfair!
I can’t do anything about it. I guess I just have to be happy for all of them. So, I did. Vacation came and I decided to spent my entire vacation on my aunt house in Manila. I had a chance to know more of my cousins and had a bonding time with them.
As what many people say: Everything has a right place at the right time. He was there looking for me. Yes! my brother. How I wish for that very moment to come! How I wish for that embrace! How I wish for that little chitchat! It’s almost perfect but he has to bid goodbye. He still have some work to do. My father is so right! He is so amazing! I imagine our family spending time together with him. It feels so perfect!
But I guess, there is no such thing as perfect! It’s just a word, an idea. I just imagine things to be perfect but the truth: He has his own world now. And we are not part of it. But, no. I guess all i’m trying to say is: I am tired to show the world how much I love him and how much I wanted to be with him because he has is own family to love and own world to live. I am tired of waiting to be recognized by him. I am tired of seeing his old photographs tagging other people HIS FAMILY. When would be the time he would call us as HIS FAMILY?